Charles Dickens in Love by Robert Garnett

Rating

* * * * 1/2

The book's description from the publisher's website (Pegasus Books):

When Charles Dickens died in 1870 he was the best-known man in the English-speaking world—the preeminent Victorian celebrity, universally mourned as both a noble spirit and the greatest of novelists. Yet when the first person named in his will turned out to be an unknown woman named Ellen Ternan, only a handful of people had any idea who she was. Of his romance with Ellen, Dickens had written, “it belongs to my life and probably will only die out of the same with the proprietor,” and so it was—until his death she remained the most important person in his life.She was not the first woman who had fired his imagination. As a young man he had fallen deeply in love with a woman who “pervaded every chink and crevice” of his mind for three years, Maria Beadnell, and when she eventually jilted him he vowed that “I never can love any human creature but yourself.” A few years later he was stunned by the sudden death of his young sister-in-law, Mary Scott Hogarth, and worshiped her memory for the rest of his life. “I solemnly believe that so perfect a creature never breathed,” he declared, and when he died over thirty years later he was still wearing her ring.Charles Dickens has no rival as the most fertile creative imagination since William Shakespeare, and no one influenced his imagination more powerfully than these three women, his muses and teachers in the school of love. Using hundreds of primary sources, Charles Dickens in Love narrates the story of the most intense romances of Dickens’s life and shows how his novels both testify to his own strongest affections and serve as memorials to the young women he loved all too well, if not always wisely.

Prior to having read Charles Dickens in Love, I'd had minimal knowledge of Dickens. I knew next to nothing about the person he was, and of the writer I knew only that he was prolific and a staple of literary talent and productivity (I have only ever read Great Expectations and A Christmas Carol). I am very happy that despite my seeming lack of interest in and a glaring lack of knowledge about Charles Dickens, I decided to read Mr. Garnett's book. Charles Dickens in Love became to me a perfect invitation to enter the author's life through his novels. Dickens was a fascinating and complex person. A person for whom to live meant to love and love he did.

Now, I usually do not read biographies. But if they are written in a way Robert Garnett wrote his book, I may have made a mistake by avoiding this non-fiction genre. Garnett's writing is crisp, approachable and very friendly for a person new to Charles Dickens especially, but for all readers in general as well. I appreciated that I was allowed to draw my own conclusions as to Dickens's life, conduct and personality. Yes, it is clear that Mr. Garnett cares deeply about Charles Dickens and has a detailed and extensive knowledge about that author's body of work as well as his personal life. Garnett's hope that we, as readers, would also come to care is also present between the pages of Charles Dickens in Love. But never once did I get an impression that there was some scheme contrived by the author to portray Dickens in as becoming light as possible and leave all infamous deeds of his in the background. No. As a matter of fact, I felt only indignation and deep dislike towards Charles Dickens for his treatment of his wife, for his egocentric attitude and clear love of himself. However, as the story progressed, so did my feelings thaw and in the end, I hope I can think about Charles Dickens in a more objective light, always keeping in mind that life is never, ever black and white.

I am so impressed with Charles Dickens in Love, that I have designated 2013 to be my year of reading some of his novels. Robert Garnett weaved books such as David Copperfield, Bleak House, Little Dorrit and Oliver Twist into the narrative of Dickens's life and his loves so neatly that I simply cannot put them out of my mind. One small piece of waning to some: if spoilers of any kind ruin books for you, be prepared that you will encounter them when reading Mr. Garnett's book. I didn't mind them at all. I feel that what I read about in Charles Dickens in Love will instead enrich my reading experience when approaching Dickens's masterpieces.

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FTC: I received an e-galley of Charles Dickens in Love from Open Road Integrated Media via NetGalley.

Notes on Chopin by André Gide, translated by Bernard Frechtman

Rating

* * *

The book's description from the publisher:

An inspiring discourse on the power of music from one of the twentieth century’s most important figures, André Gide. 

André Gide, one of the great intellectuals of the twentieth century and a devoted pianist, invites readers to reevaluate Frédéric Chopin as a composer “betrayed . . . deeply, intimately, totally violated” by a music community that had fundamentally misinterpreted his work. As a profound admirer of Chopin’s “promenade of discoveries,” Gide intersperses musical notation throughout the text to illuminate his arguments, but most moving is Gide’s own poetic expression for the music he so loved.

I'm not very familiar with the works of André Gide, the French writer, philosopher and Nobel laureate. Notes on Chopin did thankfully give me a pretty good idea of what kind of writer Gide was. He had strong opinions on topics he cared for and it's very clear in Notes on Chopin where he didn't hesitate to use strong words, such as imbecile when talking about pianists who misunderstood the music of Chopin, or barbarity when describing what direction the whole music movement was going. I admit, it was refreshing to read such unchecked anger and indignation when nowadays one is surrounded by authors who seem to be walking on tiptoes careful not to make to strong of a statement dictated by this awful monster of 'political correctness'.

First and foremost, Notes on Chopin is a kind of an homage to Chopin by one of his most ardent admirers who not only was passionate about classical music but also knew quite well what he was talking about. Such knowledge is displayed in what is perhaps the most exasperating side of this work for readers who are not music afficionados: very technical explanations and instructions on how certain notes should or should not be played, complete with drawings of such noted, names of tempos, etc. Thankfully, Gide counterbalances his classical music 'lessons' with opinions and judgements that at times become thrilling and spicy, as well as inviting to music laymen, such as myself. Whether he does it with intent is quite another issue. Something tells me, not so much. André Gide seemed to have taken on a pompous and condescending attitude, and he certainly didn't care one whit about it.

I may be unjust in such judgement of this accomplished and esteemed writer. It may also be some residue from reading Notes on Chopin. One probably shouldn't pay any mind to it. Mostly because, even if you know little about Chopin or classical composers, it won't be a waste of time to devote a day at most (the book is quite sort) to reading this book/essay. Especially if one likes to expand one's knowledge in the field of music world.

A Note On Translation

This Open Road e-book edition has been translated from French by Bernard Frechtman. After some investigation of mine as to his body of work, he seems to be quite  an accomplished translator of French literature. It is therefore somewhat baffling to me that there should be errors, such as can not instead of cannot, repeatedly appearing throughout the book and signs of a bit of a struggle with sentence composition making a few of them sound slightly off and/or awkward. I'm inclined to fault the translation and the editing equally, instead of putting the blame solely on Mr. Frechtman's. Overall, it doesn't make the reading experience unbearable. This issue only takes a little bit of enjoyment away from what otherwise is a work quite worthy of a reader's time and attention.

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FTC: I purchased Notes on Chopin e-book.

Marie Curie and Her Daughters by Shelley Emling

Rating

* * * * *

The book's description from the publisher's website:

A new portrait of the two-time Nobel winner and her two daughters.

Focusing on the first family in science, this biography of Marie Curie plumbs the recesses of her relationships with her two daughters, extraordinary in their own right, and presents the legendary scientist to us in a fresh way.
Although the common image is that of a shy introvert toiling away in her laboratory, highly praised science writer Shelley Emling shows how Marie Curie was nothing short of an iconoclast. Her affair with a younger and married man drew the enmity of a xenophobic French establishment, who denied her entry to the Academy of Sciences and tried to expel her from France. But she was determined to live life how she saw fit, and passed on her resilience to her daughters. Emling draws on personal letters released by Curie’s only granddaughter to show how Marie influenced her daughters yet let them blaze their own paths. 

Factually rich, personal and original, this is an engrossing story about the most famous woman in science that rips the cover off the myth and reveals the real person, friend, and mother behind it.

What an amazing book! Despite it being a non-fiction one and centering around scientific subjects, I blazed through the whole 256 pages in one day (I'm a very slow reader and have two toddlers to contend with, so it is an accomplishment that doesn't happen often) and I only want more. Especially more of Ms. Emling's writing. She makes physics and chemistry approachable and easy to understand. As a matter of fact, for the first time in my life I was riveted by science and scientific research and discoveries. All my life, when it comes to science, I have suffered a severe case of ADD.
Understandably, to all of a sudden read an entire book in which science is one of the major topics with unswerving attention feels like some kind of magic charm performed by the writer.

A book hasn't made me this excited to be reading it for a long time. Marie Curie (or as she has always been called in Poland, Maria Sklodowska-Curie) was an exceptional woman, exceptional scientist and an exceptional mother to Irene and Eve. There has been criticism of her long periods of time spent away from her daughters (including almost never being there for their birthdays, important graduation dates and such) but the truth is she raised two wonderful women, strong, capable and very much accomplished in their own right, who had always been loving and devoted daughters, never having said a bad word about their mother. Shelley Emling took great care to show how difficult a life Marie had after her husband's death and what she had to contend with in order to be all she had been. Indeed, one could say that Marie was the prototype of today's woman who believes we can be both successful as mothers and career women. I loved Marie's bluntness about it as well which applies to modern critics of those who choose to work and raise children:

I agree, of course, that it is not easy for a woman to bring up children and work out of the home. But (...) I don't think that he has considered the rich women who leave their children to a governess and give most of their time to social visits and fashion. (p.36)*

In other words, let's not be hypocrites.

Marie

Eve Curie

Irene Curie

For a short book, there were a lot of things I learned about both Marie's personal life and the world of science she lived in. There are interesting passages about  Einstein, Edison, Bohr et al that made me want to seriously consider doing more reading on their lives as well. And maybe I will one day.

What I most want to do and what Marie Curie and Her Daughters has inspired me to do, is to learn as much as I can about other women, friends of Marie Curie, who were just as exceptional as she but of whom I hardly know anything such as Missy Meloney and Hertha Ayrton. They were pioneers and crusaders in the female world of the first half of 20th century and we would all do well to learn from them.

As my final thoughts I'll offer this: Marie Curie and Her Daughters reminded me and kept me in awe of how proud I am to be Polish, to be American, and most importantly to be a woman.

~~~~~~~~

FTC: I received an ARC of Marie Curie and Her Daughters by Shelley Emling from the publisher, Macmillan Palgrave for a review.

*the quote is from an unfinished copy, please verify against a published book

A Widow's Story by Joyce Carol Oates

The book's synopsis from the publisher's website:

"My husband died, my life collapsed."
On a February morning in 2008, Joyce Carol Oates drove her ailing husband, Raymond Smith, to the emergency room of the Princeton Medical Center where he was diagnosed with pneumonia. Both Joyce and Ray expected him to be released in a day or two. But in less than a week, even as Joyce was preparing for his discharge, Ray died from a virulent hospital-acquired infection, and Joyce was suddenly faced—totally unprepared—with the stunning reality of widowhood.
A Widow's Story illuminates one woman's struggle to comprehend a life without the partnership that had sustained and defined her for nearly half a century. As never before, Joyce Carol Oates shares the derangement of denial, the anguish of loss, the disorientation of the survivor amid a nightmare of "death-duties," and the solace of friendship. She writes unflinchingly of the experience of grief—the almost unbearable suspense of the hospital vigil, the treacherous "pools" of memory that surround us, the vocabulary of illness, the absurdities of commercialized forms of mourning. Here is a frank acknowledgment of the widow's desperation—only gradually yielding to the recognition that "this is my life now."

What a great experience reading this memoir was! Many aspects made this book worth being read by all but probably the most important is the quality of writing. To me it almost seemed like a refresher course in what English written language should really be and what many contemporary writers seem to forget. I'm talking about basic rules of grammar, construction of sentences and even meaning of words. I read A Widow's Story as an ARC, which means its editing and proofreading isn't finalized and ready for publication, and still there were very few errors, if any at all, and the whole book was in a better shape than many books served to us after being corrected and edited by others. I realize I may sound as a snob in this regard and I don't really care. It's important to me to know that someone who calls him/herself a writer knows the basic rules of grammar at least and has enough respect for the language to learn and check what they don't know. Joyce Carol Oates is a writer who exudes such respect and it's a pleasure to read what she writes. Shelf Awareness  published a great interview with  Oates's longtime friend and editor, Daniel Halpern. He states a lot more clearly what I mean about Joyce's writing.

Style, grammar and vocabulary aside, A Widow's Story is a very, very personal book that speaks much to Joyce's courage as she bares her heart and soul to us, readers. And yet, it's not a self-centered and egotistic person we meet on the pages of this memoir. Instead, it is Ray Smith, Joyce's late husband, that is at the forefront and that we learn of through the lenses of his wife's love, devotion and despair of losing him. Ms. Oates does reveal, unwittingly maybe, a lot about herself however. Here, she is Joyce Smith, the woman, the wife and the friend. Not, Joyce Carol Oates, the author. She is fragile, emotional, thinks of suicide even, but in the end she is most importantly a strong female who does persevere despite the biggest loss of her life. It's heartbreaking but beautiful at the same time, to see her struggle, her teetering on the verge of self-destruction and the victory of her will to live anyway. We, the readers know this will is there from the very beginning but  Joyce had to discover it slowly, step by step, oftentimes with the help of amazing friends.

I'm convinced I haven't written nearly enough about this memoir but I hope it's enough to encourage you to read it, especially if you want to read a memoir but you don't want a conceited, boastful  paean authors of some memoirs write to themselves. A Widow's Story is anything but that.  Do see for yourself.

*******

I have received an ARC of A Widow's Story from Ecco, via Shelf Awareness.

My Reading Life by Pat Conroy

The book's synopsis from the author's website:

Starting as a childhood passion that bloomed into a life-long companion, reading has been Conroy's portal to the world, both to the furthest corners of the globe and to the deepest chambers of the human soul. His interests range widely, from Milton to Tolkien, Philip Roth to Thucydides, encompassing poetry, history, philosophy, and any mesmerizing tale of his native South. He has for years kept notebooks in which he records words and expressions, over time creating a vast reservoir of playful turns of phrase, dazzling flashes of description, and snippets of delightful sound, all just for his love of language. But reading for Conroy is not simply a pleasure to be enjoyed in off-hours or a source of inspiration for his own writing. It would hardly be an exaggeration to claim that reading has saved his life, and if not his life then surely his sanity.

I have been waiting for this book my whole life and I knew I found what I was looking for after reading the first chapter.I know that you're not supposed to be forming opinions on books until you actually read the last page, but in reality it's not always so. In reality you sometimes stumble upon books that capture your attention and your heart with the first sentence and you don't have to worry whether the rest of it will hold. And that's what happened to me and My Reading Life.

This book is about Pat Conroy's life, but because reading is life (which becomes quite obvious in the first chapter) for Mr. Conroy, the book is inevitably about reading. However, as simple as it sounds, My Reading Life is filled with difficult moments from the author's life and the way he writes about them will bring a tear or two to your eyes. Chapter after chapter is a testimony of Conroy's love for either a specific person or a book. His mother is probably the one I admired the most. She is the one who instilled the love of reading in Pat and his siblings and maybe even made a writer out of him. (She did what I am unfortunately failing to accomplish with my daughter she will not pick up a book unless absolutely forced to). Oh, and the love for books is just overwhelming. If ever you need encouragement to read Gone with the Wind, War and Peace or anything by Thomas Wolfe, just reach for Conroy's memoir and read what he has to say. There's no way you'll come away not wanting to at least give them a try. You'll probably even want to read those books again if you previously hadn't liked them.

My Reading Life is not a long book (I haven't read any others by Mr. Conroy, but I know they are rather big) but it is just right in size and scope. It encompasses the author's struggles with life itself, a difficult and hurtful relationship with his father, but also the very many good things that happened to him on his 'reading and writing' journey. The second best thing (to reading about another's love of books, of course) is how funny the book turned out to be. There were places where I actually laughed out loud at the comedy of a particular situation. Conroy's stay in Paris was particularly funny. This book really is a gem and if ever you are stuck in a reading rut, just read this memoir. You don't even have to read it from beginning to end, pick any part, any chapter or any page and I guarantee you will feel the love of reading sparking right back.

*******

I received My Reading Life by Pat Conroy from the publisher via Shelf Awareness.

Broken: A Love Story by Lisa Jones

I haven’t written a review for such a long time that I’m starting to fear I might be out of touch. Hopefully I’m not, because I really want to give justice and write as good a review as I possibly can on Broken: A Love Story by Lisa Jones. It’s a wonderful memoir and it deserves the attention and words of praise and, last but not least, a good review.

Lisa Jones is a freelance writer, writing articles for magazines and for NPR. One of her magazine assignments was to write about Stanford Addison, an Arapaho Indian. She left her home and went to Wyoming in search for Stanford, not having the slightest idea that what was supposed to be a four-day-trip, would turn out to be a life-long journey of friendship with a very inspiring man. Stanford Addison was that man. He ‘broke’ wild horses, he healed people from maladies, depression, bipolar disorder and cancer being only some of them and everyone just gravitated towards him, especially children. He was also a quadriplegic who at one point in his life, shortly after a terrible accident that left him paralyzed, wanted to kill himself to end his own misery. But physical limitations seemed to be the least of his problems. Right after the accident, Stanford kept being visited by spirits and eventually realized that he had special and mysterious gifts and he had to use them whether he wanted to or not. Lisa comes into his life twenty years after Stanford’s accident but instead of simply writing an article, she ends up with a book in which we learn how she got ‘broken’ and discovered truths about herself she didn’t know existed, and how she got to truly love and be loved.

Broken is a refreshing, captivating memoir. And it’s not a love story you might think it is. It’s a story of discovering love of life, of the people and world around you, and of every mundane thing there is out there. Because in end, nothing in our lives really is or has to be mundane. From the description, you’d think the book is a work of fiction what with the ghosts and healings in it. However, I didn’t for a second doubt Stanford Addison’s story because Lisa somehow managed to convince me with her writing that Stanford’s spirit visitations and his healing abilities are very much real, however amazing and mysterious they might seem. I remember actually being quite envious at times. I envied Lisa her friendship with Stanford and his family. They all are Northern Arapaho Indians who live in poverty, who get into a lot of troubles with law, who are wild but who are also beautiful and rich, and wise.

Lisa Jones really is a skilled writer and I hope she actually decides to write more books. She’s very honest, especially about herself even if it may invite criticism. I think I liked that honesty the most. No one was glorified which only made the memoir and the people in it all the more likeable. You have no idea how many times while reading I wished I were right there, in Wyoming with Stanford and his family. I know they could teach me a lot about appreciating life and all that comes with it. But because I can’t, Broken is quite enough for now and I know I will be going back to reading this book many times, just to remind myself of simple truths written in there. If you like memoirs and want to be inspired, this is definitely a book for you. Even if you don’t read memoirs, you should still read this one because there is much to learn from it, and maybe you’ll even gain a fresh perspective on your own life.

********

Special thanks to the author, Lisa Jones, for sending me a copy of Broken: A Love Story.

Silverstein & Me by Merv Gold

What do you know about Shel Silverstein? If you are like I was ten years ago, nothing. Yes, you heard that right. Before I became a mother, I’d had no idea that a person name Shel Silverstein existed. I never liked poetry, I still don’t like it but when my daughter asked me to read Mr. Silverstein’s poems from the Runny Babbit I honestly became enchanted by them because of how simple they were yet each and every one carried a meaning important to me and I like to think my daughter as well. Since then I have read every book of poems by Shel written for children and I thought I had a pretty good image of who Mr. Silverstain was. Here’s the thing: I didn’t, it wasn’t anywhere near and Silverstein & Me by Merv Gold is the book that opened my eyes (at least a little, because I have a feeling there is still a lot more unsaid).

Silverstein & Me is a memoir of sorts written by a person who probably knew Shel the longest (well besides his parents) and is someone you can call life-long friend. I write ‘of sorts’ because it really is a little more than just a memoir and covers pretty much a whole life of Mr. Silverstein. Merv Gold doesn’t just concentrate on one event or certain period but instead chooses to tell Shel’s story from the day they became friends to the day Shel died. And what a story it is! I got shocked at certain things, some things I still can’t bring myself to fully believe, others made me laugh and others yet got very deep and made me cry. There are tons of anecdotes and facts from Shel’s life I had no idea about, including his career as a Playboy cartoonist and his drug use. One thing is certain, if you saw Silverstein as a clever and funny poet for children, you will never see him as such after reading Silverstein & Me.

Despite my image of him is forever shattered (no worries, it's in a good way), I really enjoyed the book. Mr. Gold did a wonderful job writing about Shel Silverstein in two most important ways. First, the writing itself flows very smoothly, it’s quite fast-paced for a memoir and really makes you want to read it all in one sitting (that’s what I did, by the way), not because the poet’s life was so intriguing because we all know how the most wonderful lives can be turned into a bore by an unskilled writer. The way Merv Gold combined prose with a little bit of silly songs and funny cartoons (which I think are a great addition) and not very long but nonetheless necessary descriptive passages with quick dialogue really appealed to me and I think also added to the true, if unknown picture, of who Shel Silverstein was. Second most important things is that Mr. Gold managed to add value and color to his friend’s life, managed to show all the respect due Silverstein and his family and the book never felt to me like a ‘washing-the-dirty-laundry’ kind of memoir. Despite all the shocking things and all the character traits I would never have expected from an author of The Giving Tree, I now think much more of Mr. Silverstein, not less. Like a true friend, Merv Gold paid a real tribute to his friend. As the author himself writes in the opening pages:

“For some this is a tell-all book, telling all that one can recall. But not a tattle tale book, though he was far from perfect, and sometimes a downright arrogant pain in the ass. Its point is to uncover the hidden, unknown Shel, to show he was most often friendly, giving, and above all interested in everyone and everything.”

**********

Special Thanks to Paula K. from AME, Inc for sending me this book for review.

Trail of Crumbs by Kim Sunee

I have a strange attraction towards memoirs. I think they at once draw me away from my own life and give me many reasons to somehow compare my life to the person a memoir is about. When it came my turn to pick the next read for my book club, I knew right away it would be a memoir. Trail of Crumbs by Kim Sunee was the one democratically chosen. I was both glad I read it since it had been on my reading list for a long time and slightly disappointed with it.

Trail of Crumbs is a story of Kim’s life from the day she was abandoned by her Korean mother and adopted by American parents at the age of three until the time when she is in her late twenties going back to New Orleans, the town she grew up with, after ten years of living in Europe. It is also a food memoir as hunger and the need to make wonderful food are two of the main forces in Kim’s life (she finishes chapters in the book with one or more recipes of very elaborate and sometimes complicated recipes). The whole memoir is mainly focused on Kim’s life when she enters the world of adulthood and decides to study and live in Europe. She takes us through the cities of Paris, Stockholm and then back to France as she grows more and more apart from her adopted family, especially her mother left in America. Kim finally lands in a place she thinks might be her true home. She moves in with Olivier, a wealthy founder of L’Occitane and tries to take on a role of the mistress of his beautiful house in Provence and a step-mother of Olivier’s eight-year-old daughter, Laure. But even having what most people can only dream of, Kim is still unhappy and still searching for the ‘real’ idea of home she claims she never really did get to grasp.

I’ll get right to the bottom of it all and put on the record I did not like Trail of Crumbs. It’s difficult to explain why because it is a memoir and it does deal with real people not some fictitious characters. I hate getting personal in my critique but Ms. Sunee is the main reason I didn’t like the book. Granted, she certainly has a talent for writing. It’s obvious from the first pages to the last. There really isn’t much, if anything that I could frown upon in terms of quality of the book. In that respect, Trail of Crumbs reads like a breeze.

However, if I was supposed to feel sorry for Kim I am confused because I didn’t. I did sympathize with her and did feel a lot of her pain initially when reading about how she was left by her mother on the sidewalk with only a piece of bread in her hands. The scared, three-year-old Kim spent three days on that sidewalk waiting for her mom to return. It did break my heart a little, I admit. But then, the whole book turns into a sort of bashing of Kim’s adopted parents, especially her mom, and Kim’s wallowing in how unhappy she is, how she can’t find her true self and how her life is pretty much worthless. Forget about having an opportunity to live and study and then work in not one but two beautiful countries in Europe. Forget that she used this opportunity when she was barely twenty (when most of us peons are stuck doing menial and boring jobs just to get us through college with as little debt as possible). And finally, don’t even pay attention to the fact that at the age of twenty one she captures the heart of a very wealthy man who gives Kim anything she wants, and I mean anything (he even buys her a bookstore just for poetry books, which brings nothing but financial loss)and truly loves her. I guess I did start to dislike Kim because of how selfish she turned out to be and how she would stamp on other people’s lives just because she couldn’t figure hers out. I hope that nowadays Ms. Sunee is able to look at how egocentric she really was in those days of what could have been pure happiness had she made an effort.

As far as food goes, the recipes were truly yummy and I would gladly eat the dishes if someone else prepared them for me. I am guilty of hating cooking. You have no idea how many times I have been told by others to start cooking because it had therapeutic qualities. Well, it doesn’t for me. And as delicious as all the dishes talked about in Trail of Crumbs must be, I am still not convinced or encouraged to try any of them. 

'The Pursuit of Perfect' by Tal Ben-Shahar

For the past few years I have noticed a bothersome tendency in me. At some point I realized that there were a whole lot of issues in my life and problems I have with myself and that a few self-help books might help. So I started reading these books obsessively. The tendency I mentioned is that I do not have enough determination to actually stick with any of the techniques I read about in the self-help books. Another thing is, I become frustrated with the mixed messages I get while reading and that just adds to my quick disenchantment. I honestly thought that would be the case with The Pursuit of Perfect by Tal Ben-Shahar but after having read it, I think there might be actually something more to it.
The main thought throughout the book is how trying to live a perfect life, to have perfect looks and perfect careers is actually ruining our lives. Shortly said, perfectionism is bad. On the other hand, we, the people obsessed with the perfect, should instead try to attain a state of optimalism, a term Mr. Ben-Shahar came up with. Tal Ben-Shahar is a perfectionist and he noticed long time ago that trying to have it all and avoiding failure, negative emotions and get the goals no matter what was making his life miserable. He had done a lot of research to find a way out of his misery and the outcome is The Pursuit of Perfect, in which we are presented with a solution: a middle ground and acceptance of our human nature. The book offers some simple, yet great exercises which do not require a lot of time or effort, and most importantly leave some space for error, since they need not be done perfectly. At the core of the whole book is that our society shuns pain, sorrow, unhappiness and requires us all to be always at our best behavior, always smiling, always being nice to customers and fellow employers and if there is a shadow of anger or sadness lurking about, we run to doctor’s for pills and therapies, because these emotions are absolutely unwelcome. Ben-Shahar argues that as humans we are equipped with tools within ourselves to deal with negative emotions and one of these tools is “going with it”, instead of burying a specific feeling we have and we don’t want to have, be it fear, jealousy, anger and so forth. The more we deny ourselves these emotions the more persistent they will be and sooner or later they will resurface making us miserable.
I have to say that despite my doubts about a self-help book ever working for me, The Pursuit of Perfect appealed to me a lot. First of all, even if perfectionism was never one of my many vices, I realized that I was too among the hordes of people trying to live up to societal expectations of the perfect. From the first pages I could tell that this book had a potential of opening my eyes and also giving me permission to just act according to my human nature, to be simply ‘good enough’ and not necessarily ‘better than’. Mr. Ben-Shahar’s writing is very accessible and quite persuasive. To give you an example, I have always been a person who would suddenly feel envy towards somebody else and then immediately I would scorn myself for feeling this horrible emotion, put it aside and in the end beating myself for the rest of the day about how I must be a bad human being for feeling envy towards somebody that most likely doesn’t deserve it. A few days ago, I was sitting in a public place, waiting my turn to be serviced and reading the part of the book which talks about not suppressing our negative feelings but instead accepting them. And wouldn’t you know, there comes a drop-dead girl, wearing sexy clothes and attracting stares of every male specimen in the room. I immediately start being jealous and think of all the reasons why she really is looking ridiculous and completely overdressed and how she truly is screaming for attention. But instead of suppressing these emotions of jealousy and low self-confidence, I decided to just stay with them and take a closer look at the girl. I allowed myself to feel the negativity, I accepted the fact that I indeed was being jealous and went back to reading my book. Hours later, when I left the building, I all of a sudden realized that I completely forgot about that girl, didn’t beat myself up for being jealous and I had a fairly good, relaxing time as opposed to being literally devoured by envy. So there you have it. It worked and I have a strong feeling that if this one worked, others might too.

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Special Thanks to Anna S. from FSB Associates for sending me a copy of this book.

Also, don't forget to visit Tal Ben-Shahar's website to get more info on his books.

'A Child's Journey Out Of Autism' by Leeann Whiffen

My first experience with autism was just a few months ago, when I attended a week-long program for parents of autistic children. I arrived there as an interpreter for a family from Poland and five days later I left as a changed, spiritually and mentally uplifted person. A Child’s Journey Out of Autism by Leeann Whiffen left me with the same feeling of awe and amazement I had experienced at the program five months before.
Leeann Whiffen and her husband Sean were suddenly thrown into the world of nightmare when their two-year-old son Clay was diagnosed with PDD, Pervasive Developmental Disorder, which is a form of autism. From that day forward, they went through the whirl of misinformation, doctors’ inadequacy and fellow parents’ misunderstandings, confused, sometimes cold and reproachful looks and comments. They hit every stumbling block, every wall and shutting door but they refused to give up. Because of the determination to win their son back from autism, they also met many helping angels on their journey: doctors who wanted and knew how to help, parents who suffered the same anguish, and people who wanted to help simply because they wanted to make a difference in one child’s life.
A Child’s Journey Out of Autism leads us through Leeann’s incredible path of always holding on to hope. Even though it is a real-life story, it reads like a first class action and suspense book. Even all the medical terms and description, that otherwise could bore a reader to tears, are surprisingly interesting because they are written in a language of deep emotions. Leeann turns out to be a fantastic writer. Her writing is clear, very straightforward and engaging, grabbing a reader’s attention from the first page and holding it to the very end. Probably the best part is that Leeann neither sanctifies nor victimizes herself. There are moments of doubt, selfishness and despair, but there are also moments of great joy, determination and courage to go on one more day. She is a normal mother who loves and cares for her children and who manages to win the battle despite being told that she never would. Precisely because of this ‘normalcy’, Leeann’s message of hope to other parents of autistic children is so powerful. I couldn’t help but care and cheer for every member of the Whiffen’s family: Leeann, her husband Sean and their two wonderful boys, Clay and Drew (who, by the way, is a wonderful, courageous brother and friend to Clay). I cried tears of sorrow and joy, and I guarantee that everyone who reads this book will too.
This book however, should be read by every parent, not only the ones with autistic children. It is a story of how to appreciate every little thing about our children, how to love them fully and unconditionally. It is a story of perseverance in the face of biggest despair, of determination to never give up, even if we are told that that’s precisely what we should do.

Favorite quote:

"He smiles his crooked smile and tilts his head until it touches his shoulder. His smile morphs into a giggle. Then, simultaneously, we laugh out loud – a deep, feel-good laugh right from the belly. We laugh together some more, and I cry, because I am so full of joy. A joy that is so deep it can only be felt when one has finally emerged from the depths of desperation and discouragement."

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Special Thanks to Danielle J. from Sourcebooks for providing me with a copy of this book.

CHALLENGES: 100+ Reading Challenge, 999 Reading Challenge

'Reading Lolita In Tehran' by Azar Nafisi

How much do most people in the Western world know about the difficult lives of people in Iran? Personally, I think not that much. Our knowledge is based on preconceived notions and news reports flooding our brains on a daily basis. Being separated by thousands of miles and an abyss between our culture and theirs, it is quite difficult to truly grasp the trials and tribulations of ordinary men, women and children living in Iran. In my opinion, the most credible source of information regarding any experience is a personal account. That’s why Reading Lolita In Tehran is such an important book.



Azar Nafisi returned to her beloved country of Iran after spending several years, including attending college, in the United States. When she left Tehran, it was a modern, democratic city with happy, intelligent people, with women sharing equal rights with men and all enjoying their country and their freedom of religion. Years later she came back to Iran she didn’t recognize but still had no idea what would really become of it. Reading Lolita In Tehran is Nafisi’s memoir, depicting the seventeen years of living under the fundamentalist regime of the Islamic Republic of Iran. She is a brave and very bold university teacher, who first gets expelled from University of Tehran and then resigns from another university before they get a chance to expel her. Instead, she creates a regular meeting at her own house where seven former female students of her meet weekly to discuss one of the greatest writers in the literary world. In between the accounts of every meeting, Azar describes Iran’s quick descent into tyranny, where women are refused any rights, jailed and put to death of the smallest offenses and all the intelligentsia, every academic that refuses to submit to censorship and regime is quieted or eradicated.



Reading Lolita In Tehran is not an easy read. Nor should it be such. You cannot write down in any easy terms memories and experiences that defined these women and became their everyday terrors. However, it is a beautiful book and well worth the time you’ll spend reading it. It is written in a way that’ll become personal to every person that reads it. For me, Azar Nafisi gave me the greatest gift a writer can give to a reader: a new appreciation for literature, which sadly and quite unconsciously I have started to take for granted. Austen, Nabokov, James, Gatsby, they become lifelines to these brave women. The books let them live through one thing the regime couldn’t take away, their imagination, the window into another world that could have been their world too.



Probably, the saddest part was the heartrending disillusionment with the country Ms. Nafisi once loved and the young girls desperately wanted to love. As the author mentions herself, the women of her generation and older at least had the past and the memories to cherish, while the generation of her students and their children was denied even that.



Lastly but maybe the most importantly, Reading Lolita In Tehran brings to life the saying that “the pen is mightier than the sword”. Both sides know it. The government is painfully aware of that, therefore the bookstores are closed down, the books are burned, the academia is being forced into discussing only the works that further the Islamist cause and those who don’t comply lose their careers or even lives. The young women, students of Ms. Nafisi, know the power of a written word too. It saves their lives, gives them hope and keeps them floating on the surface, not drowning just yet.

Favorite quote:

"If I turned towards books, it was because they were the only sanctuary I knew, one I needed in order to survive, to protect some aspect of myself that was now in constant retreat."

CHALLENGES: 100+ Reading Challenge, 2009 Ban On Spending Challenge, 999 Reading Challenge, Well-Seasoned Reader Challenge