Tuesday, October 5, 2010

How do you guys do it?

As some of you probably noticed, I haven't been posting much on this blog of mine. There are a couple of reasons and I will explain. Mostly, it's because my eight-month-old son is quite a rambunctious boy, to say the least. I'm going to be honest and state that I didn't expect him to be quite so active and so, so different from my girl who, as an infant, was at least sleeping through the night at Aleksander's age. But, they do say that boys are completely different creatures than girls.

Anyway, my energy, my attention and most of my time goes to Aleksander and to Karolina, who is now in sixth grade and needs my love and attention, which is actually quite easy to give because she is an easy girl to love. And thank goodness, she loves her brother and her brother adores her, he actually goes crazy happy at the sight of her, every day she comes home from school. I don't want to make you gag people, but it really makes my heart sing when I see these two together.

Needless to say though, I hardly have time to read and have to choose nowadays between reading time and blogging time. it is still an easy choice for me. Reading remains the love of my life and as much as I enjoy blogging, it's not my first choice to spend the precious few moments I have for myself.

All I have written above brings me to the main point of this post. It looks like I am pregnant again!!! I don't want to of course feed you TMI, but trust me when I say I tried my darnest to not to get pregnant. Now, I have not gone to the doctor's yet because I currently have no insurance and am in the process of getting one (which trust me is not a pleasant experience), so no blod tests have been done but four pregnancy tests have been positive. All I can say I suppose you can't cheat destiny and it's just meant to be. Doesn't make it easier on me though. I am in total shock and I am scared shitless of what's coming.

Hence the title of this post. I know that a lot of you out there are wonderful moms who have more than two children, some of you may even have had them one right after another and I also know that somehow you manage to survive. Can you tell me your secret? I know that I may sound as one sad human being, but I honestly do not know anyone in my environment who could give me any support or advice or encouragement. My wonderful sister (bless her heart) barely manages her two little buggers and her husband and her job, my parents don't even know that I'm pregnant yet and my relationship with them is such that as a 33-year-old woman and a mother of two, I am afraid to break the news to them because they will be mad as cows when they find out. Isn't that ridiculous?!!I know it is but it doesn't lessen my anxiety one bit. I am even nervous to go and talk to my midwife because the first thing from her mouth when I had Aleksander was to for me to make sure I find an effective contraceptive method so  I wouldn't get pregnant again. I really have nowhere to turn to just talk and be happy that another living being, just as precious as my two children, is going to join us. Which by the way begs the question: What sick and sad world do we live in (or at least I live in) where news of pregnancy is no longer happy news, no longer a reason for celebration of a miracle that it is?! Rather it makes me feel that it would be easier to announce an illness than another pregnancy, it would get me more emotional support and offers of help. 

I am not sure that I'm making much sense here but all in all, I just would like to hear from all you moms out there and all you friends that I know I have in the blogosphere. I value your opinion and even by reading your blogs, I know that what's coming is doable without going insane if only I have some friendly souls around me.