It's Monday...and it's time for Borrowed Words

Last week I posted some funny quotes to lighten up a mood on Monday. It turns out that my sister loved them and was laughing out loud while reading the Dangerfield quotes especially and Amy from The House of Seven Tails together with her husband also seem to be greatly amused by Rodney, I figured I will post some more funnies for all of you out there to put a little laugh in our lives. Today, I give you words borrowed from Rodney Dangerfield.

I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.

I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass.

My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.

My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.

Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.'

Okay, and a little bit more from Groucho Marx:

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.

Now there's a man with an open mind - you can feel the breeze from here!